ADHD 2e MB has made available extensive information about CPS, as well as further local and online resources for neurodiverse children and their families. The key premise of CPS is that kids do the best they can with the skills they've got. It's up to the adults to identify & teach skills that are lacking.
Identify something you’ve noticed without blame or judgement.
“Hey buddy, I noticed you had a hard time when your friend wasn’t following the rules in that game. What’s up?”
Give them a chance to explain their perception of what is happening. Do not interrupt and do not correct their version of events.
Empathize with the child’s experience and validate their feelings.
ie. “It’s very frustrating when someone isn’t playing fair. Sounds like that made you pretty angry. I sometimes feel frustrated when someone isn’t playing fair too.”
Identify your concern — without blame or judgement. Explain your concern without labelling the child or their behaviour, and without making assumptions.
“My concern is that when you raise your voice at other kids, it makes them feel unsafe, and everyone has less fun, including you. I want everyone to feel safe and have fun.”
Ask the child to identify any concerns they have.
Ask them if they have any suggestions or ideas for ways you can work together to solve the problem. Invite them to be part of the solution.
Ask them if they have any suggestions for ways you can work together to solve the problem.
“What do you think we can do to solve this problem together?”
This includes actions that can be taken both by the children and the adults.
Check in with the child at the end of the conversation:
For more information on the Collaborative Proactive Solutions model, please visit the Lives in the Balance website.
There are extensive free resources available.